By Breelyn Vanleeuwen, PA-C | Founder & CEO, Daily Shade | Physician Assistant
I am a Mom of four. Three of those are girls, my little women. The age of 10 feels different in a girl's life. Not little, not yet grown but standing right at the edge of something. I feel more aware of my daughter's girlhoods now. Of the way their legs are getting longer. Of the way their questions are deeper. Of the way the world is beginning to press in.
I know I cannot preload my girls with wisdom like installing software before adolescence begins. I cannot shield my girls from every bruise, disappointment, or doubt. The best I can do is say the things out loud. Repeat them. Live them.
So here they are.
1. You do not exist to keep everyone comfortable. Not me. Not your dad. Not your siblings. Not your friends. You are not responsible for managing the emotional temperature of a room. Be kind, yes. Be thoughtful, yes. But do not shrink yourself to make other people less threatened.
2. Your body is strong. Use it. Climb the tree. Sprint the field. Ski the mountain. Fall and get back up. Your body is not an ornament. It is an instrument. It will carry you through your life if you treat it with respect.
3. On that Note, Protect Your Body. Wear the sunscreen, Wear the Helmet, Wear the Seatbelt. Protect your future self. You will not feel the damage accumulating. Most harm is quiet at first. But small daily habits matter. Future you deserves your protection even when it feels unnecessary in the moment. Feed it well, protect it & move it boldly.
4. You are allowed to disagree with me. You have a mind. Use it. I will not always be right. I want you to practice forming opinions, speaking them respectfully, and standing steady in them. Strength and softness can live in the same person.
5. Beauty is not something you perform. You are beautiful because you are alive and animated and expressive and real. Not because you contour correctly or fit into someone else’s algorithm. Do not let the world convince you that your worth fluctuates with trends.
6. Read books. Read stories about girls who are brave and messy and curious. Read about women who build and lead and think deeply. Reading stretches your empathy and sharpens your mind. It also gives you language for feelings you do not yet know how to name.
7. You are not me. You came through me but you are your own person. The string between us will stretch. It will not break. You get to make your own decisions, create your own dreams, build a life that is right for you, not us.
8. When someone is unkind, it is usually not about you. People carry invisible weights. Insecurity. Fear. Jealousy. Pain. Their behavior often spills over. That does not mean you tolerate mistreatment. But it does mean you do not internalize every harsh word as truth.
9. No one person can fill every empty space in you. Friendships are gifts. So are partners one day. But they are not oxygen. Build a life full of interests, purpose, and self-respect. The loneliness you feel sometimes? It is part of being human. It is not something to panic about.
10. There is nothing you could ever do that will make me stop loving you. We as humans are flawed and designed to make mistakes over and over and over again. I am growing up alongside you. I make mistakes everyday. But there is one thing that will not waver: I love you completely. Even when I am imperfect, even when you are imperfect. Actually, especially then. Nothing changes the amount I love you. I never love you less.
I cannot walk every road for my girls. I cannot clear every storm. But I can keep saying the things that matter. I can model the habits I hope they keep. I can build routines that protect her bodies and teach them discipline. I can love them oudly and consistently. I can make home a safe place.
Before the noise of adolescence grows louder, I want my girls to be anchored in this:
You are strong.
You are capable.
You are deeply loved.
And your future is worth protecting, in every small, ordinary, daily way.
Love, Bree
